it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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