Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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