so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
