My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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