dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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