So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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