It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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