; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
