No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
