exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
