Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
