Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
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I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
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He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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