Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
