I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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