Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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