I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
