She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
