Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
