He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
