just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
