i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
