:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You made out with two different species that night
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
