hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
