I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you traded sex for a burrito?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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