forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
