yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
