Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
