WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
