i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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