We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
