6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
