I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
