One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
not ubering you a puppy
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
