nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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