I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
