the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
