STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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