Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
