Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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