I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
