Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
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i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
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I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
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