That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
