we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize