i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
