last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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