I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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