I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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