trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
