she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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