You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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