Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
