The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
