this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
