Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
