I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize