That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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