i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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