You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
