Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Damn victory sex feels great
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
