i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
