The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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