okay pat passed out under dana's car
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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