I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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