I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
