I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I feel great
I just peed on a car
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
