I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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