Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
