During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
