I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
MIDGETS
????
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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