Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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