i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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