Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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