This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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