I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
