Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
