I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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