I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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