I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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